i'm having a bad day today.
oh!&yesterday too.
early in the morning yesterday,betty was in a bad mood.
so yeah,she did vent anger on us.
cause ameera gave some compliment about her.
she had her nose pierced again.
&she pierced her lips.
no comments.
so thought of meeting boyfriend after school today.
but it was a last minute change as he got to go for NCC.
plus,he's having a soccer pit thingy in school.
so most probably he'll be home pretty late.
can't talk to boyfriend much today.
prepaid's running low.
went to lot1 yesterday together with ameera,euis&boyfriend.
we ate our lunch at long john silver.
it's been like 93752548 years since i last ate there okay.
so yeah,we're drenched.
but luckily me,i brought extra shoe to school.
then waited for boyfriend.
blah blah blah.
i was happy lah yesterday cause i really had so much fun.
ameera tried to cheer us up.
cause boyfriend kan pemalu orangnyer.
then after that we head home.
boyfriend hantar me balik.
at night right,i really had a nightmare lah.
i feel so effing bad cause i didn't really entertain boyfriend that well.
he was not in a mood to talk.
so yeah,tried to cheer him up although i know it was my fault.
damn me!i really felt effing bad lah okay.
so yeah,he hang up.
i can't really sleep lah.i regretted okay.
so yeah,i apologised.
then i cried.
i feel that i'm not good enough to be his girlfriend lah.
during mother tongue class,faris&din really embarass me okay.
i was bored so i asked mdm vanitha talk about the poster about SEX.
cause we're teenagers lah.
i didn't know why faris was unhappy with me.
&he start to tease me infront of the malay students.
&din laughed.
wani&her company did laugh to.
i swear i almost cried but i held back all those feelings.
i act as if there's nothing happen.
mdm vanitha knew that i was embarass.
so she stop faris from insulting me.
he was teasing me about my pimples.
i know i have alot of pimples due to my menst.
i hate my teeth&i hate my face.
that's what makes me feel so bad being apisz's girlfriend.
i'm scared that he'll leave me one day.
i'm not pretty&i behave like one bigfuck.
i hate everything about myself.
i can't seem to love myself.
&everytime when people say that i'm pretty or whatsoever,
i can't believe lah sey.
&yeah,i do make crappy jokes.
people hate it when i do that.
din told me before that i can be a effing clown lah.
&sure i'll get money for being one.
i laugh at myself everytime i remember it.
i have to admit that i superly hate my fucking attitude.
it's frigging hard for me to turn over a new leaf.
at times,i cried lah okay!
i don't know why.
i'm confused with my own feelings.
although my friends says that i'm fine.
but to me,i'm not.
i'm good for nothing.
whatever it is,i'm in no frigging mood.
thanks to wan&girlfriends for everything.
but yeah,nothing can change me mind.
my mindset is already like that.
&it's hard for me to change.
i don't know why.
but soon or later,i'm sure i'll change slowly.
FUCK LIFE,LIFE SUCKS [:
much love,ika.
6:09 PM
